Thursday, March 27, 2008

milton Hi rosebud,,love monkey..muffin quest .dream eyes.... Do you love me....
from a 646 phone number, Thursday, March 27, 10:18 PM

Probably this girl, since 646 is New York. Only... Why does she have only 11 friends? And which of those 11 is the one who texted her to say "Hi rosebud"?
mclarean got 5 min for fighting and dallas got 2 for a 9 min penalty
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, March 27, 10:15 PM

I've said it before, and I now say it again: Everything I know about sports comes from the Leila Texts. They are endlessly informative! Remember back when the Leila Texters informed me that Tom Brady had a boy? Those were the days!
my husband just reminded me that we are
from a 773 phone number, Thursday, March 27, 12:34 PM

Sorry, that we are... what? Or just that we are, as in, we exist? "I had forgotten that I am until my husband reminded me. Once he reminded me of my existence, I got so excited I just had to text Leila about it."
FWD: Dear God, The girl reading this is beautiful & I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Send this to all the girls u love E baby im it
from a 706 phone number, Wednesday, March 26, 4:41 PM

Obviously I know nothing about God or how s/he works. However, I am going to go out on a limb and propose that maybe God doesn't read forwarded text messages all that closely? I don't know, just a thought, I could be wrong.
I got a new phone!!!!! it has a qwerty im gonna txt ur face off on this bitch
from a 218 phone number, Wednesday, March 26, 12:26 PM

Oh, dear. Please, please don't.
My bracket is doing well, considering some dumbass choices on my part. How's that Georgetown pick working out for you, huh? Haha go Bruins!
from a 260 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 3:50 PM

I assume this is about basketball. "March Madness" and all of that. However, I do know that the Bruins are an ice hockey team, so perhaps this is about ice hockey. But really does anyone outside of Canada care enough about ice hockey to send text messages about it?

I know I could just look all this up, but somehow, and however misguidedly, I find my athletic naivete to be charming.
this sucks, i forgot i had that hearing today for harold about that gun, so now im waiting for my name to be called as a witness
from a 571 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 9:44 AM

But a witness for the defense, or a witness for the prosecution? Harold = innocent or guilty? Please specify.
i love u so much u are so beautiful and smart and nice love, megan
from an 858 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 8:15 AM

Either Megan is a five-year-old, or she is an adult who has done way too much ecstasy.
hey you forgot your hat! wish i didn't work nights! late
from a 323 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 2:13 AM

Some of my friends say "late" instead of "later" because they are too lazy/cool to enunciate the second syllable. I like that. I'm glad 323 is lazy/cool enough to chill with us.
2005 hyundai xg300 vin kmhfu45e45a399938
from a 505 phone number, Monday, March 24, 3:44 PM

I was with you up until the word "vin," but I think you just made up everything that comes after that. "kmhfu45e45a399938"? That is so not a real fact about cars.
Hi
How are you hope you had a good holiday. When is a good time to call you during the day

from an 860 phone number, Monday, March 24, 1:22 PM

This is very business-like, for a text message. The line between the salutation and the rest of the message, for example. The enquiring into Leila's well-being. 860 is obviously a class act, and might be shocked by some of the other text messages that I receive on a regular basis.
No 1 now
from a 503 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 11:08 PM

Why
from a 503 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 11:08 PM

Maybe these are also sports-related texts. The phrase "No 1" often seems connected to athletics, and also to my company's administration, which, in corporate meetings, often brags that "We are Number One!" though always without specifying what metric it is using.
hi how r u where r u still in jamaica? i miss u & hate that u don't like amanda!
from a 917 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 8:23 PM

where r u?
from a 917 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 3:26 PM

tell me about american idol!
from a 917 phone number, Tuesday, March 25, 9:58 PM

call me b4 10:30
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, March 26, 8:56 AM

These are all from the same girl who texted, on March 19, "where r u how r u i miss u so much" and, "amandas out! don't txt back! i do not want 2 hear ur insults!"

I draw a couple of conclusions from these six texts. One is that these girls probably go to private school, as private schools are on spring break now, and that would explain why Leila might be in Jamaica. Second, I learn that both Leila and 917 share a fondness for American Idol. Third, I learn that 917 has THREE TIMES over the course of six days asked Leila, "where r u?" This seems prying to me. If she didn't answer you the first time, maybe she just didn't want you to know. Lay off.

Meanwhile, I don't know what to think about this whole Amanda thing. "i miss u & hate that u don't like amanda!"? Maybe. But does Amanda deserve to be liked?
fischer baby r u ok. call me
from a 510 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 7:44 PM

I guess if I had told someone to call me when she woke, and it was 7:44 the next evening and she still hadn't called, I would start to get worried, too. Actually, I'd get worried long before 7:44 PM, but whatever, maybe Leila is known for sleeping late.

In an attempt to shed more light on this, I looked up Leila Fischer on facebook. Unfortunately there are only two people with that name on there. One has a questions mark for a profile photo and belongs to no networks. The other lives in Denmark. So this Leila must remain, at least for now, a mystery.
You are weird!
from a 908 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 3:00 PM

I know you are, but what am I?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

fischer hello sweetheart. I love u Leila. Call me when u wake.

black diamond

from a 510 phone number, Sunday, March 23, 1:48 AM

I wanted to call this guy back and screech at him, "Black Diamond! Hello! I am awake RIGHT NOW! You said 'Call me when u wake,' so HERE I AM! I love u, TOO! SOULMATEZ0RZ!"

Fortunately for 510, I don't act on ALL of my crazy impulses.
Are you funky?
from a 207 phone number, Saturday, March 22, 8:51 PM

Totally! I am so funky!... Unless 'funky' is another lame slang word for 'drunk,' in which case, no, I'm not.
FWD: FWD: Pass a butterfly )i( along to everyone that has ever made you laugh, smile, love or been there for you. Hope i get one.
from a 618 phone number, Saturday, March 22, 5:17 PM

This text had remarkable timing. Not two hours before I received it, I was having a conversation with the author of a book called The Secret Rites of Social Butterflies. She was commenting that butterflies seemed to be all the rage nowadays. I was like, "I guess it's true. I just yesterday finished another book with 'butterfly' in its title, called The Patron Saint of Butterflies." And then I got this text message! So apparently the author was right: Butterflies ARE all the rage. You could even say butterflies are "in the air."

Ha, ha, ha.

Also, even if you don't know what a butterfly looks like, you don't need to feel left out of this new cultural phenomenon. 618 has helpfully illustrated it for you: )i(
kdjkdf
from a 909 phone number, Saturday, March 22, 3:26 PM

I write this sort of thing all the time! It's a great way of being like, "I'm flummoxed, I'm floored, I'm stammering, I'm stuttering, oh my god, ugh, I don't know what to say"-- anything like that. bfhesghwgbvfdfbnrhgulnmsvvfb. Who is this 909 character? We obviously have things in common. We should become friends. (Assuming there's room in 909's life for two Leilas.)
where are u
from a 310 phone number, Thursday, March 20, 11:29 PM

Javab nemidi
from a 310 phone number, Friday, March 21, 12:13 AM

Another question-mark-less question! The answer is: At home, in my study.

As for "Javab nemidi," I don't know WHAT that means. Usually I would do you all the favor of babelfishing it, but tonight I'm using my slow old computer because my fast new computer is refusing to accept a charge. Merely pulling up the babelfish page would take about ten minutes, and frankly I have a lot of texts to record tonight, and I don't have the time to wait for a webpage to load.

If you happen to speak this language, though (whatever language it may be), then, by all means, translate for us.
Do you have lots of homework
from a 503 phone number, Thursday, March 20, 10:43 PM

Why
from a 503 phone number, Friday, March 21, 6:39 PM

Hay. What r u doing for spring break
from a 503 phone number, Saturday, March 22, 7:16 PM

To answer your questions in order, 503 (even though you did not put a question mark at the end of any of them): No; I don't know; Dallas (though that's for work, not actually for "spring break"). Inquiring minds wanted to know.
Im going swing Dancing @ boomers @ 8 If you want to come!
from a 970 phone number, Thursday, March 20, 6:21 PM

This same 970 person invited me to go out dancing at Boomers last Thursday. Thanks to an anonymous blog comment, we now know the exact address and phone number of Boomers, just in case anyone is in the Colorado area and wants to go. Thanks for your help, Leila Text readers!
Saul w. tix bought. part 1 of night- check.
from a 415 phone number, Thurday, March 20, 4:51 PM

If I knew who Saul w. was, I would probably learn a significant amount about 415. Saul Williams, perhaps?
What time is class
from a 414 phone number, Wednesday, March 19, 5:27 PM

I don't know, 414. Remember? I'm not in skool anymore. We established this a few blog posts back.
where r u how r u i miss u so much!
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, March 19, 10:17 AM

amandas out! don't txt back! i do not want 2 hear ur insults!
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, March 19, 10:32 PM

I swear these two texts are from the same phone number. I, too, was disbelieving, but really they are. What on earth could have happened between 10 AM and 10 PM that would make 917 go from "i miss u so much!" to "don't txt back!"? What did Leila do to her over the coure of those 12 hours? Steal her boyfriend? Murder her mother?