hey baby your watching spongebob right nezt to me

you probaly think im texting winston
from a 215 phone number, Friday, November 23, 3:23 PM

So this one goes as follows...

LEILA: "Who are you texting?"
215 GUY: (teasingly) "You'll see."
LEILA: "Is it Winston?"
215 GUY: (shrugs noncommittally) "Maybe."

(Ten minutes pass. LEILA receives no text messages.)

LEILA: "So, who were you texting, then? Winston?"
215 GUY: (confused) "Uh, I don't know... just shut up and watch SpongeBob."


P.S. This entry was all for Jeremy, by the way, who loves SpongeBob and would totally watch it with a girl named Leila, if this girl named Leila were ever willing to do so.

Can you send those pictures to me?
from a 512 phone number, Friday, November 23, 3:17 PM

Uh, no. No I can't.

Oh, but allow me to mention, off-topic, that I'm writing this post on my BRAND-NEW MACBOOK! It is beautiful. But not cheap. If only I made a living off of the Leila Texts, I could write off this laptop as a business expense.

Happy Thanksgiving!
from a 301 phone number, Thursday, November 22, 9:07 AM

Happy Turkey Day! Have a great day.
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, November 22, 9:09 AM

Happy turkey day
from a 678 phone number, Thursday, November 22, 9:14 AM

Im thankful for our friendship...Happy thanksgiving breeze...have a great day with the fam...and eat lots...smooches...xoxo
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, November 22, 2:59 PM

FWD:Fwd: From: +1706xxxxxxx Msg: Its thanksgiving. Send thus to everyone you are thankful for.
from a 404 phone number, Thursday, November 22, 6:06 PM

Thank you all. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

My dad wont lwt me
from an 814 phone number, Saturday, November 10, 6:39 {M

God, Dad, you don't understand anything!

Hi do u hv spring regist today? lv mum
from a 718 phone number, Monday, November 12, 3:21 PM

I have recently decided to teach my mother to text message. I doubt that she'll be any good at it, but if this other Leila can receive texts signed "lv mum," well, I should be able to, too.

Once u read this DNT BREAK THE CHAIN! Right now think of 1 person u want to be with.. now send 2 10 people and c wat they say.
from a 360 phone number, Tuesday, November 13, 11:37 PM

Since "Leila" is a girl's name, all these chain texts that I receive are from girls, directed to other girls. I've started wondering what sort of chain texts there are for boys. Do boys even do the chain text thing? And, if so, are they like, "Once u read this DNT BREAK THE CHAIN! Right now think of 1 video game u want to win.. now send 2 10 people and c wat happens"? Are there chain texts about fantasy baseball?

I obviously know zero things about boys.

let me know when u have time today
from an 805 phone number, Wednesday, November 14, 12:35 PM

Okay, I will. No... wait. I won't.

Omg it sucks that we have to wake up at like 5 to go to the beta convention
frm a 404 phone number, Wednesday, November 14, 6:05 PM

Don't worry, I've done some research here. 404 is for Atlanta and suburbs, which makes sense, because the Georgia Junior Beta Convention happened in Macon on November 15-16. It's amazing what you can find with a little googling, isn't it?

But that still doesn't tell me what happens at a Beta convention. On their website, the description of the Beta Club is as follows:

"The National Beta Club recognizes, academic achievement, promotes character, develops leadership skills, encourages service involvement, and provides technological advantages to students in grades 5 - 12."

This leaves me wondering, first, why you would want your academic achievement recognized by an organization that puts a comma between "recognizes" and "academic achievement," and, second, what these teenagers actually DO as part of this club. Role-playing games, perhaps? Buzz words confuse me.

Send this message to the ten prettiest girls you know, or you will turn ugly for 7 years. Ur one of mine:,)luv u
from an 805 phone number, Wednesday, November 14, 8:13 PM

I don't want to turn ugly for seven years. I would miss out on all of my 20s, which I think is prime time for being pretty. That said, I also don't want to send this message to the ten prettiest girls I know. I mean, really, what would my friends do if they started receiving texts like this from me? Wouldn't they get VERY creeped out? Particularly because some of the prettiest girls I know are not actually my friends. They're, like, random girls in my office, or friends of friends. Wouldn't it be even WEIRDER if I sent this to, say, some pretty assistant editor whom I've only met like twice?

heits me katrina i dont want to bother u but my hair is almost brown do u think we should do it?
from an 805 phone number, Thursday, November 15, 12:47 PM

Hmm. Okay. I think Leila is some very popular girl in the middle school, and she has a plan for all the cool girls to do something involving their hair (No, I don't know what). Katrina is only marginally popular, and she's having second thoughts about this whole hair-dying plan (whatever the plan may entail). She's asking Leila for reassurance that, no, she really should go through with it. That would explain why Katrina has to identify herself-- "heits me katrina"-- because Leila is SO COOL that she doesn't even bother to learn the phone numbers of those less cool than herself.

I have to say, though, I'm not entirely satisfied with this explanation. "my hair is almost brown"? Meaning it's like a dirty blonde? I don't get it.

Hi its tyler
from a 763 phone number, Wednesday, November 21, 6:40 PM

This conceivably could have been for me, as I vaguely know a Tyler who doesn't have my phone number and who might have wanted to try out the Leila Texts for himself. But really I have no way of knowing. Let this be a reminder to you all: You're welcome to send me a Leila Text, but for goodness' sake, identify it as such or I just won't text you back.

Hey we should go soon bec shabbat starts early
from a 201 phone number, Friday, November 16, 2:31 PM

This is from the same 201 person who sent Leila a text instructing her to say a tefilot for a brain-damaged infant. So Jewish. So, so Jewish. Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. With a name like Leila...

Yeah that was real cute trying to get loud yes i erased the pictures just leave me alone or else i will expose u stay away
treemendus
from a 443 phone number, Sunday, November 18, 9:42 AM

PS IM NOT PAYING 4 ANYTHING UNTIL A GET A NEW JACKET PHONE BILL NO NOTHING TICKET NOTHING LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION 4 GOT ABOUT YOUR VIDEOS???
from a 443 phone number, Sunday, November 18, 9:41 AM

Okay, WHOA, drama on the high seas! These were both from the same person, obviously, and when I got the first one I thought it couldn't get any better, and then I got the second one and thought again.

Dear readers, I open this up to you: What the heck is going on here? It sounds like 443 is trying to blackmail Leila (the phrase "expose u" has a particular ring to it), but what were the pictures of? And if you erased them, how are you going to carry through your blackmail plans? And why is 443 saying she won't pay. Isn't it Leila who would pay in this instance? What does the phrase "trying to get loud" mean? Would that have made any sense to the intended Leila?

Truly, an enigma wrapped in a mystery etc.

The LOVE of ur LiFE will CaLL u at 10:50 pm, KiSS u 2morrow, or ASK u out. send 2 10 pplz if u want it 2 cum true.
from a 404 phone number, Sunday, November 18, 5:57 PM

I don't know if you knew this, but I actually work in children and teen media. It's true. I do marketing for kids book. So when I get texts like this, I view them as a golden opportunity to get inside the mind of a young adolescent, to figure out what appeals to them, what really "makes them tick."

The answer, apparently, is "stupid stuff."

Hey girl i got my new phone!
from a 949 phone number, Sunday, November 18, 8:46 PM

Hey that's great! So, listen, your new phone has this thing called "texting," and you should learn how to do it right before you and I become regular correspondents.

FWD: FWD: Ok this is freaky send this to 8 people then look at ur wallpaper! ?*3(r)!n*?
from a 360 phone number, Saturday, November 10, 10:49 PM

Ok this is freaky send this to 8 people then look at ur wallpaper.
from a 480 phone number, Sunday, November 11, 7:09 PM

FWD:FW: From: 503xxxxxxx Msg: FWD: FWD: Ok this is freaky send this to 8 people then look at ur wallpaper.
from a 480 phone number, Monday, November 12, 9:47 AM

FWD: FWD:FWD:Fwd:FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD:FWD:FWD: FWD:FWD: FWD: FWD: FW:)Ok this is freaky send this to 8 people then look at ur wallpaper! <3
from a 917 phone number, Monday, November 12, 2:23 PM

FWD:--ORIGINAL MSG: forward this to ten of your friends and then look at your wallpaper. don't get mad this is funny.
from a 404 phone number, Monday, November 19, 7:25 PM

Wow. This is easily the most popular chain text I have ever received (and I receive a lot of chain texts, being, as I am, Leila). I mean, I got it from five DIFFERENT people over the course of nine days.

I'm still not going to forward it to eight people, though it is true that, the more you hear something, the more likely you are to believe it to be true. Having gotten this text from so many sources, I'm kind of beginning to accept it as fact. Yet the rational part of my brain is still like, "Why would it make any difference to my wallpaper if I sent the same text eight times? That makes no scientific sense whatsoever." But then again, neither do the Leila Texts. Cell phones do crazy things sometimes, I hope this blog demonstrates. So maybe they do crazy things with their wallpapers. Who knows?

It's a pity it isn't "Ok this is freaky receive this from 8 people and then look at ur wallpaper!" Because then I would already be more than halfway there.

Did we win the game on friday?
from a 404 phone number, Monday, 10:52 PM

Ah, 404 person, don't you wish you received Leila Texts? They so frequently offer up sports information-- that Tom Brady had a boy, for example, or that the Bruins won-- it seems that if you got Leila Texts, you would have probably already received one answering your question. The Leila Texts are a fount of sports wisdom.

I dont wana talk bout it in front of some ppl.
from an 860 phone number, Tuesday, November 20, 7:07 AM

Fair point, 860 person, but you've aroused my curiosity now. What don't you wana talk bout in front of some ppl? Can't you at least text it to Leila? I promise I-- I mean, she-- won't tell a soul.

FWD: FWD: FW: From: +1203xxxxxxx Msg: Fwd: Pls say tehilim for mendel lev ben yehudit a 10 day old baby w/brain bleeding. Send to 10 ppl thnx.
aya"
from a 201 phone number, Tuesday, Noevmber 20, 1:20 PM

There was obviously a whole phone number there, before I replaced it was 'x's. The rest of the text is exactly as it appeared on my phone, though.

This all strikes me as kind of fishy. Not that I am inherently opposed to saying prayers for Jewish infants with brain damage. I just don't know how much power those prayers hold when they have been commanded by a much-forwarded chain text. That's my only hesitation.

Hey what r u guys doing tonight?
from a 201 phone number, Saturday, November 10, 5:39 PM

Aw. Poor kid wants to be invited along to one of Leila and her friends' famous crazy Saturday evenings. Unfortunately, kid, that ain't happening. Not until you text Leila correctly.